Dear Human Peoples of Earth,
Please, please, please, please – I IMPLORE you to stop pretending as if abuse is an anomaly.
Stop the *SHOCK* *DISMAY* and *GASP* ing
This is keeping us from finding appropriate prevention, appropriate support and appropriate resolution.
If we continue to believe that lie that abuse is truly an anomaly, then we are willing to receive the lie that each case is SO super unique and has special circumstances and exceptions to what we humans would accept as being humane.
“THAT would NEVER happen in my house” “What a disgrace” “Can you BELIEVE that someone would do that” “What kind of sick person does those things” “How could she get involved with someone who would do something like that” “I would NEVER allow/stand for that behavior”
Abuse is NOT an anomaly.
Look around you right now, or think about when you were at car-line (for school pick-up or drop-off), or at a coffee shop, or a concert, or at the grocery/book/homegoods store…
Count the adults around you. (I cannot bear to quote the statistics on children)
If you reached more than ‘3’ in that count, then
you know someone who has been abused.
Sexually, emotionally, physically, financially abused
1 in 3 women have been a victim of domestic violence (either as a child or adult).
1 in 6 men have been a victim of domestic violence (either as a child or adult).
That is a helluvalotta us.
Once we stop speaking in hushed voices about this, and stop pretending as if we are unique in our situation, we can rise together to stop this unacceptable inhumane cycle.
Do you know who is winning right now? The abusers are winning. The lawyers are winning. The courts are winning (we are in there a LOT every single day – we are probably their biggest money maker, like in history HUGELY BIGLY).
Do you know who is losing right now?
We are losing.
Our children are losing.
It is the ingrained shame, secrecy and belief that abuse is an anomaly which perpetuates abuse.
Abuse has been going on from the beginning of time, and will always exist in some fashion or another. Because humans are human and humans have an extraordinary ability to dehumanize each other.
It is our challenge at this time in human history to no longer remain in a haze of believing that abuse is anomaly.
It is our challenge to prepare future generations on how to recognize abusive behavior.
It is our challenge to prepare future generations to be held accountable for self-regulation.
It is our challenge to hold space for those who have been abused and teach them how to take back their personal power.
It is our challenge to hold abusers accountable for their actions – to call them what they are – to call abuse what it is.
Abuse has been normalized by being maintained in secrecy, perpetuating the lie that it is unusual, and then normalized again by semantic manipulation.
“you are remembering that incorrectly because your anxiety is so out of control”
“we aren’t forcing your child to stay at supervised visits, but we strongly encourage them to build a relationship with their absent parent” (then force the child to visit with the parent, despite the parent’s yelling, throwing, threatening or erratic demeanor at the visit which is noted and observed by professionals who then determine the visit as “successful”)
“you must respect that all parents have rights to their children”
“he didn’t hold a knife to your throat, or threaten to kill you, so it really does not fit the definition of rape”
“if we investigated everyone who threatened murder, everyone on facebook would get arrested”
“she is allowed to parent in the style she sees fit” (she bribes your child with candy, toys etc and belittles/insults you to your child)
“he only hit the child one time, so it does not warrant further investigation unless an absolute pattern has been established”
“you have 15 staples in your head because of your relationship with him, he has no violent history with his children, and should be given equitable access to them” SURfrickinPRISE – here is a novelty to consider: children are not equitable property, they are people too.
If you intentionally harm/abuse another person, it is likely that you are going to intentionally harm another person. Power and control is the bottom line. Believing that another human is “less than” and somehow deserves “less than” treatment. The only way to stop an abuser, is to call them out on their behavior, and provide consequences.
Abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse.
Let’s stop silencing our stories.
Let’s stop pretending that abuse is something else or that it does not exist in our realm.
Let’s stop doing that, human peoples. PLEASE and Thank You
Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo