president

Tweality

/ herismeorg / Leave a comment
(or listen here)

This morning I awakened around 5:30am. I have trouble sleeping. I was awake at 2:30am the first time.

What I did not do – I did not check Twitter. I did not check Twitter at 2:30am, I did not check Twitter at 5:30am. I have yet to pop over to Twitter this morning (currently 9:22am).

I checked my email this morning at 9am (post celery juice, lemon juice, egg in the nest with avocado, and very dark very smooth very elixir of the g-ds coffee breakfast natch) and saw that I had not checked any of my email accounts since 2pm yesterday.

I did go to the supertastic plastic Facebook and ‘liked’ all of the people’s cute pics of their inaugural celebrations! Instagram was a hard pass because of the ads. Something has changed with Instagram, and Facebook, over the past few months and they seem to be pulling algorithms maybe from everywhere, including my connections lists to pop certain ads into my feed. Most of the time I can scroll on by, but sometimes the ads just punch me in the gut (oooh, look at the people falling in love on this show! look at the child being abducted on that show! look at this gorgeous holiday destination that you will never ever ever go to!). Somehow it’s more obvious on Instagram to me. Probably because I get so distracted with all of the cute pics and updates on Facebook of my real life connections. Whereas my Instagram feed is more design, architecture, museums, books, authors, social justice advocates, poets, artists – so perhaps a bit more bohemian than the everyday.

Aaaaaaand my Ms. Distraction Delilah point is… that I did not need instant Twitter this morning. I did not need my email instantly.

Since April 2014, I have used social media and email as pieces of protection for SonHerisme and myself. MrexH was on there posting vague threats for some time (which became more specific and in writing later). Email was my lifeline to my attorney and SonHerisme’s attorney. I had to keep myself aware of what was going on for safety, as a touchstone with the reality of what was happening because everything was very disorienting and honestly truly unbelievable.

About 18 months into that untenable unpredictable potentially lethal situation, we had a presidential election where we voted into office a narcissistic abusive asshole. My parents, knowing my situation, observing me in real time and supporting me, voted for that abhorrent human anyway. More disorienting brain twists.

Once the situation with MrexH abated somewhat, my mother asked to move in with me “for a few weeks,” in late 2016 (spoiler alert – she is still living with me) to get some medical treatment. Her medical situation evolved into a shitstorm where she refused to move back home with my father, and found her being treated through Medstar Georgetown University Hospital. It has been an adjustment we are continuing, despite going into her fifth year. drama, drama, drama Have I mentioned that she came with two little puppy dogs? I’m fine.

Driving into Georgetown is lovely, EXCEPT when you have an unpredictable dangerous abusive narcissistic racist misogynist president… Every single time I drove into the city, I would check my back-ups, my back-ups to the back-ups and their back-ups to make sure that no matter what craptastic storm of shit the president instigated, SonHerisme would be safe until I could return to him or, g-d forbid, if I could not return to him. I am the parent who gave my child a cell phone in elementary school. It is highly controlled by me, even to this day (he is only 12), but has brought both of us immense peace of mind on Georgetown days especially.

Every single time we heard helicopters fly over, I ran to Twitter to see what our asshole in charge may have instigated and if we were safe. My house sits on the side of a little foothill mountain in the flight pattern to Camp David. If the three military helicopters in formation flew over, I refreshed Twitter obsessively (I follow a lot of journalists, politicians, government agencies and employees plus the BBC because our media can be, let’s say, a bit nationalistic shall we?). The three helicopters mean one has the president inside, btw. I am not revealing anything to ne’er do wells – our airspace is fairly locked down around here since 9/11. When President Obama was in office, everyone would run outside when we heard the helicopters and wave like crazy. It was exciting. He was not perfect. I admire, but do not idolize President Obama, or his politics, but we were immensely proud to have him in that office and proud to host him in our area.

COVID-19 has brought a whole new way of life for us, but MotherHerisme’s Georgetown treatments have not halted, save a handful of weeks. As the election cycle ramped up the sychophant racists felt compelled to become more emboldened in their fervent support for the sitting president causing my safety alarm bells to ring on high alert. We saw them gunning down 270 with their flags waving. We saw them put large banners in their yards declaring their unwavering loyalty to fear-based white supremacy.

I checked Twitter more frequently. I had Waze on, watching traffic patterns into and out of the city for days before Georgetown appointments. I packed an emergency bag for my child in the event of some acts of violence which might prevent me from getting home from the city. I packed a safety plan bag as if we were back in the situation with MrexH. I packed a fucking g-ddamned bag. I might be holding some anger there with that.

On January 5th, I was in Georgetown. On January 6th, treasonous seditionists took over our Capitol building until our Governor sent in reinforcements to reclaim the building. All of those employees in the hospital parking garage, at the hospital, in the cafe, driving the buses, taking care of the hurting humans, doing the things that life asks us to do, were put into jeopardy because of those despicable actions at the encouragement of despicable assholes.

I was, we were, we are, fine.

As I recall my attorney telling me (she had to repeat this many times), “our courts cannot legislate degrees of being an asshole.”

Damnit it all

This is a hard lesson. While I do absolutely believe that lack of accountability for egregious behavior is a form of abuse, I have already had the hard lesson of learning that not all egregious behavior can be legislated. It may be that those we clearly see as responsible for inciting the violence of January 6th, among other deplorable behaviors, will not experience accountability exacted by a court of law. But, the law is not separate from us. It’s humans that work for and form our laws and the interpretation of our laws. This is where I know we can make a difference. We can hold those responsible accountable. We can educate ourselves, use our votes, write letters to our representatives, and withhold our passive endorsements (grab-your-wallet, again).

*steps off of another soapbox to say* I have been pleasantly surprised that today I feel I can Twitter at my discretion rather than as a knee-jerk emergency panic response. This is my sign that perhaps I can attempt to be a thoughtful planner rather than a panic-reactor. Or not. But feeling as if I have the choice may be enough for now.

How are you feeling?

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo

ps – instead of Twittering: I read, I watched short comedy clips, and “liked” all of the people posting the things on Facebook

Random note: on Twitter I am frequently mistaken for a prominent Pakistani politician. This provides occasional hilarity for me as I sometimes respond. Good times.

I need a drink and some giggling

(avoids tagging the comedian bc I see you downloading across the waters which my friend suspects is due to the tagging of the peoples. It is a bit funny yet full of the awkwards. Also, “Hello!” and I am glad you are here because I like you and I want to visit all of your museums I feel nostalgia for, plus take a train ride through your countryside with a footnote seaside adventure, one day. Of course, now I am also thinking about a walk in a random park, a show, and chucking it all in here to move there and share a knowing kindred head nod with a neighbor *sigh* and *internally sings* with imagination, I’ll get there)

To Sirs/Madame (with love)

/ herismeorg / Leave a comment
the answer is: to know the things
(or listen here)

I have a deep admiration for Sidney Poitier. We must have been besties or at least friendly neighbors in a past life, I am sure of it. I mean, look at how his face crinkles when he smiles and his eyes change in intensity with each emotion – amazing, no? I know that’s acting, but even actors are still themselves on some level. Or maybe not. I have no idea not being one or knowing any other than some ridiculous characters in my own life. Neither Sidney Poitier, or his character Mr. Thackeray, in the movie “To Sir With Love,” are comparable to the ‘sir’ I am referring to in the first note below EXCEPT for the changing dynamics and trajectory of complicated yet quite simple human dynamics, power struggle, meaning, and worthiness.

To Sir,

As you leave your leadership position for our country, I am writing a reluctant thank you note. Reluctant in the sense that the “thank-you’s” I refer to are not for things I would have wanted or wished for any of us. But I do thank you.

You have brought forth a terrifyingly disorienting uncomfortable mirror reflecting back on us those most debase and deplorable human traits we all posses to some degree on some level. For some of us, this has humbled us in such a way that we are able to commit to doing the excruciating hard work of holding ourselves and each other accountable with more firmly redefined boundaries and actionable education. For others of us, the mirror reflected permission to be emboldened with reinforced racism, inhumane actions, abuse, narcissism, and other sociopathic behaviors.

Our collective integrity and ability to unify and move forward with our humane best interests guiding our democracy requires accountability for the repercussions your words and actions have incited. It is with love and gratitude that I wish for you, and those who have chosen your reflection as permission to absorb your sociopathy, to experience these firm boundaries and absolute accountability. This is the way forward for all of us together. We refused to acknowledge those abhorrent things about ourselves, about our country, until you held up that mirror. To un-know it now will be our demise and we cannot afford that. Our children cannot afford that. The world cannot afford that. But, we needed to know these things, we needed to know you, your sychophants, and be reminded of how fragile our own humanity is, before we could start the hard work for the great changes and atonements we need to make to ourselves, our communities, our country and the world.

While I acknowledge that you are most likely unable to receive the accountability, grace, and peace I wish for you, I send it anyway. Because this is how we heal – without the ill-advised pressure of dismissing what has passed or forgetting – setting healthy boundaries, having appropriate accountability, and then we are able to unify for the sake of all of our futures.

Thank you, We the People

Dear Sir/Madame,

As you re-enter the realm of leadership at the highest positions in our country, I am writing to wholly and completely thank you.

You are arriving at a time where we need a leader with humane-centric ideas, thoughts, words and actions along with strength and experience. You embody this and have made the sacrifice once again to stand before us all and lead us forward with integrity-based cohesiveness.

I look forward to working hard alongside my communities as we hold our boundaries firm with what it means to have a humane-based democracy with civil discourse across multiple disciplines in regards to resolving the pressing issues we face as individuals, families, communities, country and globally. The way forward to this unity can only take place when we also have a firm foundation of accountability and education.

Please always encourage us to remember how fragile our unity can be without healthy humane boundaries, without accountability. Please encourage us to remember how important accountability is in order for us to feel those firm humane boundaries.

I feel confident that you will receive this message as intended – full of encouragement, dedication, peace and confidence in you and your team. Thank you for putting yourselves out there for us and our country. You are true patriots.

Good luck, You! Good luck, US! Let’s do these hard things.

Love, We the People

And that is that. Let’s embrace today for a time of being thankful that enough of us have saved our democracy for now. Let’s give ourselves space to get some good rest so that when we awaken tomorrow, we can get to the really hard work of pulling ourselves back together through education, accountability, and the very hard work of taking care of ourselves and each other.

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo

ps I’m sure that none of this has anything to do with my dv marriage/divorce bwahhahahahahahahahaha lol trauma, trauma, trauma It will be lovely to not have to bear daily witness to the collective narcissistic abuse and all that carries with it. Gently, gently, brain and body…

Also, I wrote this early this morning, and have just watched the inauguration of President Joe Biden – watching the clock to turn 12:01pm before relaxing. Excellent speech, as expected, and whoa! the poet laureate! WHAT?!!? She was breathtakingly amazing! Amanda Gorman – wow!

Madame/Madman President

/ herismeorg / 1 Comment

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I awakened last Wednesday morning, as most of us did, a little shaken by the outcome of our presidential election.  Not primarily because of the WHO, but primarily due to the deluge of outrage.

 

Did we really have NO IDEA that our country was poised to make a bad choice?

 

Did we really have NO IDEA that a significant segment of our country is fundamentally misogynistic, bigoted, racist, power-hungry?

 

Did we really have NO IDEA that either way the election turned out, about half of us were going to spiral into outrage, and the other half into bloating gloaters?

 

REALLY?

 

C’mon people.

 

Have you spoken to your neighbors?

Have you reached out to the lady next to you in carline?

Have you volunteered at your local domestic violence shelter or homeless shelter?

Have you, or anyone you have ever known, been a victim of domestic violence?

Have you ever known someone who has tried to separate or divorce from a domestic violence/abuse situation?  With children?

 

If you have been in an abusive relationship, tried to divorce or separate, and have children, then you know what to do now.

 

You know how to handle this situation, because you have dealt with it before.

Power and control,

through bullying, misogyny,

bigoted/racist speech –

been there, done that.

 

Our courts condone this type of behavior every single bojingle jangle day.  Ask around, we’ll tell you all about the reality behind the curtain of American Happy.

 

We have already worked through our outrage, shock and dismay at realizing the truth of our culture.  We are all sorry that the rest of you are just now being smacked in the face with it on a grand and public scale.

 

We know what to do next, and it isn’t “move to Canada!”

 

This is what you do.  Do what you CAN do.

 

I can prepare breakfast.  I can make healthy choices to fight my cancer.  I can work with attorneys/therapists to keep us safe and healthy.  I can inform myself about local, national, and global issues.

Talk to your neighbors with respect and compassion.  Talk to your family with respect and compassion.  Take care of your family.  Take care of your neighbors.  Turn your frustration into informed action and spread love all around yourself.

Inform yourself about what is happening socially and politically in your community.

Hold your communities’ elected officials to their commitment to represent you.  Volunteer for a community committee.  Thank those who serve on community committees.  Know your Congress people.  Know your Senators.  Know what they stand for and communicate with them about what you stand for.

 

Engage.  Empower.  Encourage.

 

We’re in this place together.

 

If we continue to turn our cheeks, spew rhetoric, or close our eyes and our ears, this, THIS, THIS is what happens.

 

Dear Adults, we NEED to do better.

 

Know your community.  Respect each other.

 

Know more and make better decisions with that new knowledge.

 

You are important, not more important that anyone else, and you are loved.

 

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo