Single, White, Unemployed, Fuller, Female. Has ridden a camel in the desert and an amateur understanding of Brexit. Enjoys water, weather and world stuffs. Seeking.
I am not sure what I am seeking.
It’s difficult to imagine putting any of my requests out into the universe. I have done that before and it sure as F did not work out the way I imagined.
I currently tend to take each moment as it presents itself.
Oh, we’re doing this now, with a basketball and a can of sardines?
I call the fork, you may have the crackers and first shot.
At a friend’s home for a dinner party (kids outside running wild with snack bags and flashlights, grown-ups inside with wild conversation), the topic of online dating comes up.
I am not online/inline/ftf dating, so I listen in. Also, again, awkward introvert here.
A lovely woman (not sarcastically lovely, she is lovely), begins telling the tales of her awesome brother’s online dating dramas. A paraphrased part of the conversation:
LW (Lovely Woman): You just would not believe the women my brother has met. It’s ridiculous how many women are out there, just waiting for any meager bit of attention. My brother strikes up conversations, everything seems to be going well, and then inevitably these women turn out to be bat-sh!t crazy. They have had horrible divorces, been abused, abandoned or have crazy ex’s who are going to kill them or kill anyone who dates them. I just don’t know how he is going to meet anyone normal on those sites. These women are crazy.
Me: (in my brain) Holy f’in sh!t. That is me. (reality moment) If I were online dating, I would totally be the crazy woman. Man, my situation is uniquely messed up. Yet, somehow also universal.
How is it that there are so many of us? What the heck is going on? Clearly we are capable of some level of intelligence – as evidenced by our ability to use a computer. Yet. There we are. And there are a lot of us, apparently.
Come to think of it, out of 8 roommates through my college years, 4 of us have been victims of sexual abuse as a child or as an adult. Possibly more of us, but I am not personally aware of abuse with the other women.
50% of my college roommates understand abuse from personal experience
How can this be true, and then we all feel so shocked, outraged and horrified that women/girls/men/boys are abused every day throughout the world?
Are we entirely unaware that our people are no different than their people?
It doesn’t matter if you are living with a precarious religious regime, famine area, 1000+ year-old culture of castes, democratic state, autocratic state, monarchy, dictatorship, military control, suffering natural disasters, 1200BC, 1200AD, 1800AD, 2016AD, you will easily find humans overtly abusing other humans.
Even in our smug part of the world.
Power and control. Humanity being itself.
It sure is taking us a long time as a species to learn how to move beyond punching or raping someone as a means of dominance and compliance. We cannot even agree in our country, in our state, in our school, that a child touching another child in a way they do not want to be touched, is a serious problem.
We “teach” about bullying with our words, but our actions do not reflect what we are saying to our children. It’s always happening somewhere else, or it’s just children playing, or that guy deserved to be cut-off and flipped off because he pulled out in front of me, or she/he was asking for it so I smacked them in the face, etc.
Please let us stop not talking about this.
How do we allow for complete emotions, in a healthy manner?
How are we role-modeling for our children (even mistakes)?
How are we teaching our children to express themselves? To protect themselves?
To empathize with each other?
I do hope and pray that this truly is a time of enlightenment in human history, which will allow space for such a complete shift in motivations and actions, that abuse of another human seems unreal to future generations.
The news is daunting on that front.
Perhaps we can take heart that universal conversations,
like the toothpaste out of a tube,
cannot be stuffed back in.
With the instant connections and ability to humanize each other’s stories, empathize, sympathize and hold space for each other’s souls, maybe, maybe, maybe… treating each other with kindness, respect and consideration, is what I am seeking.
Love, admittedly optimistic, possibly naïve, Ms Herisme xo