I just cannot EVEN STEPHEN with this election cycle.
We’re all not even stephening (or stevening – whatevs, peeps)
As heated accusations from an older male person were recently hurled at me about how women need to “grow up” and “man up” and “get over yourself” and my “need for perfection” being the “real problem,” regarding the outrage at Mr. Trump’s leaked banter with Mr. Bush (of NBC), I ultimately fell into painful silence and emotionally twisted myself into the deepest pit of my soul.
Not that I did not attempt to make my point clear, I did.
I have learned over years of working with children, that once you meet screaming out-of-control anger with the like, you have lost any chance at healing, or the ability to mutually empathize and work through emotions together, in that moment.
I apply that lesson as needed, with adults too. Not always, I am not perfect (obvs).
However, in this situation, I just stopped responding and waited for the directed screaming to end.
Painful to experience. I was in complete shock, disbelief and in tears (not in front of him).
This is someone who knows my story.
This is someone who knows that I have been sexually assaulted,
both as a child and as an adult (different men).
But, even without my personal history, I am flabbergasted and rendered speechless when barraged with this defense of Mr. Trump and Mr. Bush’s banter.
HOW is it okay to dehumanize half of the population of this earth?
Power and Control.
It is not funny.
It is not just “talk.”
It is not okay.
Beyond Mr. Bush being on company time, with company equipment (and with company responsibility), behaving in this egregious manner, it is precisely the attitude that this behavior is “just men being men,” which promotes misogynistic rape culture.
If you are able to reduce another human being to an object
meant for your sadistic pleasure,
or some other dehumanizing activity,
you are enabling rape culture.
Power and Control.
I’m not suggesting that that there aren’t any humans who do not want to be grabbed and kissed or grabbed on their body and forced into physical interaction, but then I am speaking about those situations which are absolutely consensual between adults.
The CONSENT and ADULT bits being the very most important parts of that equation. Without consent and being adults, the situation has nothing to do with pleasure and has everything to do with power and control.
Power and control do bring pleasure for people, but when it is not done in a consensual manner, there is NO pleasure, only dehumanizing dominance (which might get someone off, but it is NOT pleasure) (also, sorry for being crass).
Pleasure is healthy,
dehumanizing people to feel a sensation is NOT healthy.
Suggesting people be dehumanized is NOT healthy.
I also do not buy into the, “well, at least he is being honest about it and apologizing.”
An apology made years and years after the incident, only because of public relations pressure, and couched inside of ANY defense to justify those words, is not an apology.
Mr. Trump and Mr. Bush, I invite you to come and spend all of your working time at our local Domestic Violence Shelter, in our out-of-the-spotlight town, for 3 months, and then talk about your words and actions and their meaning and influence in our world in an honest way.
Mr. Trump and Mr. Bush, I invite you to sit with our local group of victims of Domestic Violence, for as long as they need you to, so that you hear their stories until they are ingrained in your souls with such power that they radiate out of you into every thought, word, decision you make in every aspect of your life for the remainder of your days on this earth.
Mr. Trump and Mr. Bush, I invite you to donate half of your yearly earnings to our local Domestic Violence Shelter so that women and their children can be sufficiently represented in our courts in their defenses against men on whom you have perpetuated the myth that these women and children are possessions for your sadistic pleasure.
Regardless of your ability to recognize it,
your words and actions have a direct effect
on the children these women are trying to raise and educate
and keep safe from men like you.
Mr. Trump and Mr. Bush, I invite you to pray with me for my son, and all of the children like him.
Pray that he has guidance, support and love to be able to recognize that he has a responsibility to himself and to all other humans, to be treated with respect, kindness, consideration, and empathy.
Pray that he is able to provide for his livelihood in a way that reflects his talents, values, and commitment to himself.
Pray that no human decides that he is not human enough for consideration.
Pray that he may be kept safe from those unable to not de-humanize others, and if he is not safe from them, that he can protect himself from them.
Pray that, if he chooses to do so, he brings children into this world and is able to provide the same prayers.
Pray that he has ZERO influence from people like you on his ability to make decisions for himself.
Pray that you become better humans who are able to earnestly and truthfully pray and respectively live your lives in this manner, for him and all of our children.
I will walk with you though these prayers and actions.
I will extend my hand to you through these prayers and actions.
I am willing to take this hard path with you, for our children, because I am not afraid to shine the light on this wrong and turn it towards the path of being educated and enlightened (not by me, as I am on the learning path too).
Yes, this is a “shame on you,” post because I totally feel it.
On behalf of your mothers, your grandmothers, your aunties, your great-aunties, your sisters, your daughters, and our sweet vulnerable sons, I proclaim it loudly
SHAME ON YOU
Shame on us for watching Mr. Bush’s shows – this is undoubtedly not his only incident of extremely egregious behavior at work, which should have caused termination.
Shame on us for allowing our election cycle to result in trying to make any kind of right out of two massive wrongs.
Shame on me for not taking a stand sooner.
Love, Ms. Herisme xo
ps the older male person did apologize and asked to not discuss the matter further
pps I will continue to educate myself so that I may be an informed voter