SonHerisme had to be taken to an emergency orthodontist appointment (so very teenagery). He is fine – WHEW, Momma, breathe, breathe, it’s okay. On the way out of the appointment, he turned to me, asking if we were going to stop at the store and pick up the FIFA 2021 Switch game. Uh, no, sweet buddy-boo-bear because you have to get back to school meets and works. SonHerisme is finishing out this school year Google-meeting from home. We are lucky, I know. He is a great kid and doing well, so I left it up to him. He will be fully vaccinated by the final week of school as it turns out now and will return to regular full-time in-person school in the fall (barring any crazy variant impacts). But, for this school year, we are done with whiplash COVID changes. I think we all are done done done.
Side note: School teachers and staff should be paid double for this past school year of insanity when we also demanded that they change their entire teaching structures on a moment’s notice during an unprecedented global pandemic and shitty politicians/ shitty community members putting an obscene amount of responsibility and pressure on them AS IF they are responsible for the entire economy and well-being of the entire country. And if they ARE, then PAY THEM as if they are. Fucking hells. I feel the seething of the angers again. If you were that asshole, fuck you and here is the exit (sha-blam-o out the door where the stoop has mysteriously disappeared and now you have landed in the mud on your face ruining your clothes/makeup/hair/shoes and your inhumane attitude).
Driving home from the orthodontist, I say no to stopping for a new switch game. SonHerisme claims he’s been planning his whole day around getting this new game TODAY (ugh-a, mom!). Well, dear sweet puffin boo-buggy bear, note to yourself that when you are making plans which involve someone else, you must include them in the plan-making discussions or count on your plans changing. Anyway, I figured we could go after his soccer game tomorrow morning and make it a weekend treat after a dedicated week of schoolwork and practices.
Tomorrow is Tuesday, not Saturday. There is not soccer game tomorrow. Not even soccer practice. Tuesdays = tennis y’all.
What the Actuals
I thought it was Friday for most of the morning. It is Monday. MONDAY, PEOPLE. Shit, this is going to be one lonnnnng freaking week. So now I have a 5-day Friday week. Everyday will feel like Friday when I awaken, only to be horribly punched in the face with the actual day fact at some pivot point in the day. Enter disappointment and exhaustion.
Or, a golden note because I have nothing accomplished yet for the week so now I do not have to panic that I have to cram everything in on Friday.
Does this make today the Monday-ist kind of Monday?
Meanwhile, have we learned nothing? What the frick are humans doing bombing other humans to make the point that we are mighty powerful overlords who will destroy you into oblivion because you might have terrorists somewhere near you? Haven’t we figured out any better way to communicate? My heart is heavy for all of the people. Not the religious right wing zealots. Not the fever-pitch terrorists. My heart is heavy for ALL of the 80%, 95%, whatever% of regular people who are caught up in the truly nonsensical inhumane insanity of my dick is bigger, watch me bomb the crap out of you to prove it.
And into my own strange life of privilege, have I learned nothing about the space I inhabit and how my conduct affects others?
I do not want to go back to sleep on this stuff. We are still trying to extricate ourselves from the sleep-induced t-r-ump/clinton/bush/bush/reagan debacle. I’m purposefully leaving out Obama as he was a complete pr anomaly whom I believe truly tried to put his best foot forward every single day but was strangled captive by a system he could not really lead in any broader sense than what he did. I do not idolize, worship, or wholly agree with him, but I do see him as one of those rare people who led with earnest integrity. And it’s all about the importance of being earnest – yes? NO – it’s about integrity, weirdos with beardos (not directed at you, because I know that you know, bearded or not).
I do not want to sleep on helping SonHerisme grow to be his own self. I am trying. It is truly a battle every single day to not be asleep with things within myself, or to give in to drowning in all of the anxiety and depression. I have a very difficult time staying present. It’s so important to me to not pass on any more generational trauma to SonHerisme. I try different things to support myself, to support SonHerisme. I cannot explain the bigger world to him without him knowing that some of us are just plain old power-hungry assholes, and this is the heartbreak of every parent. Luckily for SonHerisme, and all of humanity, there are by far, much much more of us not power-hungry assholes. We have to stay awake to recognize the difference and lift all of the rest of us high enough that those assholes lose their power.
We can do hard things.
Hold on – is this… is this… optimism? On a 5-day Friday? W H A T *secretly suspects something shitty is lurking just around the corner, yet smiles, tells the irl people how much she loves them, smoochy faces puppies, and speaks to bumble bees*
Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo