I Had to Do It

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I had to take a break from my brain.

I started Pilates instead.

It has been immensely helpful in terms of waking up my body and recognizing how very disconnected I have been or I am.  The instructors and fellow pilates-ers at the studio I go to have been very patient and helpful and I am grateful to have stumbled into this regimen.

My weight has not reflected this hard work, yet.  But, my patterns have shifted and I am much more steady with all activities.  I even accidentally, successfully, hiked up a very rocky mountain!  (future story)  My muscles are muscling up and my posture has changed for the better.

This weekend also marks the sending of the 191st weekly progress report, regarding SonHerisme, I have sent to MrexH as required by court order in January 2016.

Big number.

I do not mind it so much anymore as it is a component of keeping MrexH at a distance which in turn keeps us safer and healthier.

Life is strange.

I continue to be in therapy.

Currently contemplating joining a weekly group at our local domestic violence shelter.

And how are you?

Love, Ms Herisme xoxo

Inspiration

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I am reading all of these lovely inspirational, moving, deeply thought, resonating articles and books from lovely empathetic/sympathetic peoples.

 

I’m just not there yet, y’all.

I feel that you want me to be there. 

Believe me, I WANT me to be there. 

 

The best I can hope for today, is that I have trudged through the deepest muck of MrexH situation, and am passing through the bit of squashy junk before emerging out.

 

Also, I hope that I have some sturdy boots on.  I can’t even tell if I do or not.

 

It’s also okay if I have on an off-white trench coat, which is so gunked up from the muck, that it has frayed at the bottom.  Uh-oh, now I’m picturing an old-timey leather car-driving cap and ridiculous goggles as well.

 

It occurs to me that I should reconsider finding a new therapist to speak with and work through some of the emergence from muck. The screaming in my head might be a big clue for me…

 

I am really not interested in going through my back-story with another person, though.  I have told this tale over and over and over and over and over and over and well, over and over

 

Can you give a therapist a document dump, or at least Cliffs notes, to avoid speaking those words again?!!?

 

I just want to walk in, have a gentle greeting, and listen to sage advice from someone who knows stuff and can see me enough to help me reveal myself to myself.

 

I can pay them in tea, blueberry zucchini brownies, and a hearty companion for The Philadelphia Story viewing.

 

Meet me at the corner of close and soon, wise sage!

 

Love, Ms. Herisme xo