I am lost

I exist and do and try my best to not upset the balance, while protecting my gentle son

I contribute nothing other than this.

Whatever possible potential of meaningful contribution or connection outside of this, was long ago extinguished.

I thought I had something

But it was a deadly and devastating mirage

Intellectually I know that I need to be more for my son, but I recognize that I have no reserves or hidden pockets of talent or meaning, to pull from.

I am lost

 

Then there is this part of me thinking that when you have completely and utterly lost yourself, perhaps it’s time to recognize that whatever you do at this point truly doesn’t matter at all, so you might as well try anything/everything.

Within reasonable parameters, naturally –

whatever that means to you and your life.

I am a single parent of a young child = explicit defined parameters for me.

I’m so fracking lost, y’all. The only direction I can see are the almost infinite, entirely overwhelming, directions leading away from lost.

If I find a goal, other than keeping Mr8 and myself alive, I’ll keep you posted.

Hopefully, I’ll release myself to take a step in some direction.

I’m going to mess up and need new directions, I know. It is my gut that is telling me to go ahead and step in one direction.

No. Not THAT One Direction (goobs).

You know what I mean – or not. That’s okay.

I’ve got safety goggles, valid passports, glitter glue, and cut a figure like a middle-aged Eastern European housefrau, circa 1983.

Something is bound to happen – oui?

Love, Ms. Herisme xo