I forgot I contributed to this! Adding it to my CV/resume. Carry on
Another share – I had a weird day on Saturday. A while ago, perhaps a year ago, I ended a 37 yearish friendship because I needed space from old patterns (as I deal with my own messes and reconcile who I am in this life). This friend contacted my father this past week. Then my old friend’s father reached out to my father to appeal to me to “reach out” and let “my oldest dearest friend back in and not just block him out.”
Maybe I am an asshole – I don’t know.
Here is what I do know: I have known him since I was young. He is a very old pattern. I do not really understand him, He FOR SURE does not understand me. About a year ago, he sent a text to me with a picture of a letter I sent to him when I was probably 19 years old. It was… awkward. It felt… not good. My immediate thoughts were that he does not know me, he is not a friend to me and I need out of this pattern or I am going to suffocate. I blocked him on all platforms and deleted him from my phone. Honestly, I did not think he would notice. I thought in a few years I might run into him or his wife at something whenever I get back to my hometown and then be like, “oh, haha, I am such a dummy I seem to have disconnected somehow from people including you! How the heck are you?” You know, post COVID and in theory have my own shit figured out. But, it sounds like he has been trying to reach me.
Again – old patterns resurfaced. My father says, “do the thing.” I say, “yes, daddy,” and do the thing (mostly).
I sent this text: “I spoke with my father. Thank you for being kind to him. I’m working through some things and have not been receiving messages/calls so I did not know you were trying to reach me. Hope you and your family are well.”
His response: “Thanks for reaching back to me. I miss you. Hope you are going to be ok. Love you gunk, always.”
And that is that. I checked in with my college roommate whom I’ve known almost as long as I have known disconnected friend, and she has permissed me to officially let this go and be and so I shall do my very best.
Life is weird. If I am a jerk, then I suppose I am. It is too hard for me to hold space for this, so I thank you for holding it with me. Also, no worries – not in a million years will he be reading this lol
Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo
ps Final share – I am going to eat spinach for lunch to give my heart strength and protection today, which is also MrexH’s birthday. I’m fine – I’m sure I’m fine (infinity repeats while spinning on yoga ball chair listening to this)