I occasionally run my dear sweet friend through the ringer with all of the self loathings. It is only recently that I have decided to attempt a new tactic of just allowing it to be without judgement on it. I loathe things about myself? Okay, they are loathsome then. This does not mean the absence of lovely somewhere too. Or hope. I do have hope for SonHerisme, hope for humanity, hope for friends, family etc. For my personal self? Meaning=yes. Hope=nope. F it – carrying on.
Once upon a time, she sent this to me:
(it is not my writing and I do not know to whom I should attribute these wise words)
Everything that has happened along the way - forget it Forget about the first love that broke your heart. And forget about that last break too. Forget the time a friend you thought was best pushed a knife in your back. Forget the words and the spite that resound in your head. Forget the trauma that injured your flesh or your bones. Forget the rejection you felt when someone failed to recognize your value. Forget the tears that cleansed your soul. Forget the mistakes that everyone makes. Forget what you gave without return. Forget the mistrust, the resentment and the jealousy. Forget about the lies, betrayal and deceit. Forget about the ones that got away - they were not meant. Forget the time someone tripped you and caused a fall. Forget the times you gambled but forgot you could lose. Forget about the whispers and gossips and stories - it is all an illusion; the truth only lives in oneself. Forget about rules and regulations - make new. Forget about thinking - let the mind sit still. Forget about time - let your heartbeat decide. Forget about fear, it will paralyze - it is useless. Forget about perfection, it is unobtainable - imperfection is true beauty. And forget about forgetting - allow the release to happen. Naturally. Then, try as you can to remember this... Everything is already a part of you: the lessons have been learned, the memories etched, and the effects have sunk in. There is no need to hold on - it all already exists, so allow it. Let it just be. Without grasping. Without pressing repeat. It all had a purpose, once, long ago. Even if it was yesterday or a minute ago - it has now passed. Past. So just breathe... and breathe again. Deeply. Right here. Right now. You are alive. You survived. In this very moment, this one... here... You can choose. Choose to live. Run. Fly. Wildly. Begin again. And begin to feel alive. Feel. Everything and nothing and all in between - feel it all. Flushing through your veins - let it in, let it sit and then let it go. Slowly, but very surely, replace all of the forgotten with all of the new. Add to it, mix to it, blend whoever you were, who you are now, with who you are about to become. Alchemy - turn it to gold. Turn you. It is easy. Try. All of you. Every part. Stir the storms with the rainbows, the pleasure with the pain. Create. Forget the old. Sprinkle in new. Stardust. Magic. Wanderlust. Mystery. Moonlit skies. Forests. Deserts. Sparkle. Dance. Have Faith. Go. Find. Don't look far. It is there. It always was, always has been. Right there, right here, right now. Be free. And each time you are overwhelmed, or hurt, or angry, or in pain - go back to the top, read once more, unlearn, forget, and begin again. Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo ps. I carried a print out of this with me for a very long time, only taking it out of my purse when we took our last pre-COVID trip to NYC mid-February 2020. I always wonder if we participated in the spread since it was already taking a broad foothold in NYC by then and we were a merry troop at a large conference of other merry troopers... Actually, I do not wonder, I feel like I know we were. Apologies to you, world. Once we knew, we have done better. #carryonhealthwarriors