blog

REsume

/ herismeorg / 1 Comment

I forgot I contributed to this! Adding it to my CV/resume. Carry on

Another share – I had a weird day on Saturday. A while ago, perhaps a year ago, I ended a 37 yearish friendship because I needed space from old patterns (as I deal with my own messes and reconcile who I am in this life). This friend contacted my father this past week. Then my old friend’s father reached out to my father to appeal to me to “reach out” and let “my oldest dearest friend back in and not just block him out.”

Maybe I am an asshole – I don’t know.

Here is what I do know: I have known him since I was young. He is a very old pattern. I do not really understand him, He FOR SURE does not understand me. About a year ago, he sent a text to me with a picture of a letter I sent to him when I was probably 19 years old. It was… awkward. It felt… not good. My immediate thoughts were that he does not know me, he is not a friend to me and I need out of this pattern or I am going to suffocate. I blocked him on all platforms and deleted him from my phone. Honestly, I did not think he would notice. I thought in a few years I might run into him or his wife at something whenever I get back to my hometown and then be like, “oh, haha, I am such a dummy I seem to have disconnected somehow from people including you! How the heck are you?” You know, post COVID and in theory have my own shit figured out. But, it sounds like he has been trying to reach me.

Again – old patterns resurfaced. My father says, “do the thing.” I say, “yes, daddy,” and do the thing (mostly).

I sent this text: “I spoke with my father. Thank you for being kind to him. I’m working through some things and have not been receiving messages/calls so I did not know you were trying to reach me. Hope you and your family are well.”

His response: “Thanks for reaching back to me. I miss you. Hope you are going to be ok. Love you gunk, always.”

And that is that. I checked in with my college roommate whom I’ve known almost as long as I have known disconnected friend, and she has permissed me to officially let this go and be and so I shall do my very best.

Life is weird. If I am a jerk, then I suppose I am. It is too hard for me to hold space for this, so I thank you for holding it with me. Also, no worries – not in a million years will he be reading this lol

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo

ps Final share – I am going to eat spinach for lunch to give my heart strength and protection today, which is also MrexH’s birthday. I’m fine – I’m sure I’m fine (infinity repeats while spinning on yoga ball chair listening to this)

S (hi) T

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I am back for a hawt minute – or a cold minute, a windy minute, a smooth minute, a tap dance minute a sparkling minute or just a damn minute.

I would like to share something with you. The blog needed to rest because I panicked. WordPress provides stats on the blog which track the countries, downloads and visits to the blog through the WordPress platform. For whatever reason, I began to look at the stats tracker after each post. At some point before the holidays, the posts were being viewed and the audio downloaded like crazy to places like England, Ireland, Sweden, Germany, Finland, Canada… also Pakistan and China, but I assume those are bots (apologies for this gross cultural bias).

I mentioned these upticks to a friend who suggested that this might be because I was tagging and linking to prominent people’s names/websites. She also said that any decent PR firm would be tracking their client’s or potential client’s hits as well. This was unsettling information to me. I am not sure why since I do not know and will not personally know any of these people. I was/am just unsettled and then began checking the tracker more frequently to see if I tagged certain things. Would there be views or downloads from particular countries etc.? And also WHO the HECK are these people?!? Are they you? Again, I am not quite sure why exactly this is unsettling. If I am so bothered, why am I posting on a public blog to the InterWorlds?

The other thing I noticed was that as the anxiety surrounding the constant crazy during the White House transition, my voice changed from a sharing voice to a telling voice. I have no authority to be telling anybody anything, yet I did it anyway and this too unsettled me. Who the absolute f^ck did I think I was telling people things?!? Why are people in England listening to the telling? Why do I care?

I have no idea about any of it.

Shares: I intend on getting the COVID vaccine asap. When I send the next batch of court ordered weekly progress reports to MrexH regarding SonHerisme, I will be sending 7 reports including the 268th progress report. 268 weeks of sending reports. Also, SonHerisme is being asked to zoom with MrexH and show him his lego collection. He has not seen his father in real life since the first week of September 2014. Everything is feeling unsettled atm. I mean, I’m sure we are fine. Everything is fine – right? I mean, people are doing the things, right? People are arguing over chores, falling in love, preparing tea and meals for each other, planning lives, doing the things (COVID sensitively) and all that – right? Getting tires checked? Reading fiction, watching television shows? We’re doing that stuff out there, humans – right?

I know it is my ego pulling me into anxiety (New Earth whoop! whoop! *high five* plus dancey dance). Trying to do the next right thing.

So that is exactly that for now. Back to present and breath and adding embroidery to salvage a beloved shirt.

Today is sunny with an evening chance of wintry mix and a guaranteed Friday night Pizza fest! I hope that if you are from England, France, Finland, India, right close to me or wherever and you have stumbled upon my little moment in the InterWorlds, that you are feeling loved, blessed, comforted and full of health!

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo

#carryonpeacewarriors #carryonhealthwarriors

ps. SonHerisme, 12, has hit 6ft tall, size 13 shoes and I am having deep deep super deep pregnancy/baby wants. This will not happen in this lifetime *sigh.* I thought my life would be full of having babies running wild. It was not meant to be for me. Maybe this is my final grief stage for what never will be. I have a friend who is a mommy to six sweet things and I am taking dinner to them tonight. This will have to be enough for me and my singleton SonHerisme. I can do hard things.

Also this is Straight Buggin’!

750 Days Ago

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Hey Reader Person(s)

750 days ago, after two extremely tumultuous frightening years of legal entanglement, my divorce was finalized at the courthouse with then Master, now Judge, S.  Outside of the courtroom, Judge S wears bespoke suits from New Orleans with matching fedoras.  Inside of the courtroom, he flairs with exaggerated arm movements so that his robes take some flight when he approaches his bench.

Judge S doesn’t pull any punches and seems committed to squelching any potential tomfoolery nonsense from anyone in his courtroom (including attorneys).

In case you have not been to family court in your area,

let me assure you that there is a LOT of attempted tomfoolery happening.

It’s how many attorneys make an* s-ton of money.

 Judge S should have his own show or be my bestie.  I like that guy.  I liked the other guy too (retired Judge D), but he did not wear bespoke suits, or flair in the courtroom, and his face is too pleasant.  Also, he is my friend’s FIL and I am prone to thinking he is a kindly grandfather rather than a serious law interpreter. See you at the Pop Shop, Pops!

Y’all

746 days ago, I began this blog.  I wrote the opening piece a year or two earlier but did not have the wherewithal to begin a blog or continue any writing.  Since then the opening piece here has been published in a book!

 

Fingers Crossed that I will be selected to have a new piece, not yet posted anywhere, in a new book. Updates will be available soon.

 

In the meantime, I am once again revisiting my fiction works.

 

S L O W L Y   

S L O W L Y  

Little Callapitter**

 

And so the world keeps moving.  I am getting older, farther away from things I need distance from, closer to things I need drawn closer to.

 

Time is ticking – eventually that ol’ bell will toll for me.  In the meantime, I carry on each day with SonHerisme and myself doing the best I can do in these sweet/painful/joyous/difficult moments of life.  It is lonely over here.  Sometimes thankfully so.

 

How are you?

 

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo

 

*Grammar police:  “an” is acceptable here in my opinion because saying ‘s’ sounds as if there is a vowel at the beginning.  So ha ha ha on you – no correction needed snarky pants!

 

**SonHerisme coined this one at 2!