NewPath

Blank Spaces

/ herismeorg / 1 Comment

She could be so (BLANK) if only she would (BLANK)

Are you the girl/woman/lady that everyone fills in the blanks for?  I am.  Or, at least, I have always been that girl/woman/lady.  What are we now – biologically female gender identifiers? Broads? Chicks? Birds? Pink Ladies? East Coast? West Coast? She-humans, for the win!

She could be so pretty if only she would lose weight.

She could be so successful at work if only she would play the politics game.

She could appear to be more professional if only she would tame her hair/wear these clothes.

She could be so accomplished if only she would apply herself properly.

She could keep herself safe if only she would follow my instructions exactly, perfectly, to the letter and never ever ever question or deviate or passively aggressively self-sabotage blah blah blah blah blah

 No?  Okay, it’s only me then. Embedded shame is hard.

 If only I could accept my responsibilities,

possibilities and limitations, then I would be content.

 Wait a minute.  Hold up.  That might actually be true.

Sharing my vulnerability, I have tried to determine if I am a psychopath, a sociopath, an empath, telepath, homeopath, allopath, or on a warpath, footpath or bypath.  Too much for me. I am no longer “she could if she would.” I am a NewPath.

I want to “call deep on my courage”

to fill in my own blank spaces,

and allow space for them to be appropriately filled.

 She could be a determined NewPath, if only she would.

I will.

pssst… you are invited too, you are worthy and loved.

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ppsssst… and now you may sing “I’ve gotta Blank Space, baby, and I’ll *not* write your name”

NewPath Relief…

/ herismeorg / 7 Comments

Note to self:

Post Rule #1  Keep in mind that not everyone is reading with the same context as your writing

 Where are we today?

The 5K post was a long time coming.  I wrote that in the Fall of 2014, when I was desperately attempting to make sense of the absurd twists, turns and terrifying swirls happening in and around my life.

I am okay.  Mr Heishim (now he is 7 1/2) is okay too.

Mr STBXH, now Mr exH, is safely in the care of the State at a facility far away from us, which specializes in meeting his needs.  All of this has taken a terrifying and painfully long time to happen, with the indispensable help of our entire extended community.  There have been desperately unfortunate series of events in between 2014 and our current temporary resolution.

Re-read the last part of the last sentence.

Current TEMPORARY resolution.

Well, obviously, our divorce is not temporary.  However, the care of the State facility is temporary and only guaranteed to January of 2018.  After then, as mentioned in the 5K plea, as long as Mr exH can declare himself as not being a threat to himself or others, has followed prescriptions, and decides he should no longer be under their care, he may choose to no longer be under their care.  But, let’s not borrow trouble from tomorrow, when there is SO much to do today!

I call myself a New Path

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I call myself a NewPath.  A new path to walk.  A new path of thinking.  A new path of feeling.  A new path of sharing. Not everything on my new path will be smooth and easy.  I have no expectation of that.  Not everything on my new path with be difficult and terrifying.  I have no expectation of that either.  My expectation is that I am different than who I was and that journey has compelled me to offer a space of sharing.  I have been provoked into a tangent journey in my life.  I am a NewPath.

There are many of us who have experienced absurdities, nonsense, scenarios beyond expectation, desire, interest, and our own ability to see beyond them as we are experiencing them (and sometimes long after).  If you are interested in figuring out how you might help those of us through these experiences, consider reading this linked post.

Stories which provoke NewPaths will be shared here.  If you are interested in sharing your NewPath story, please let me know.

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo