Two of my lady friends (she/hers) invited me out to dinner this week and I went. SonHerisme was excited to make sloppy joe’s and broccoli for himself and MotherHerisme, and I allowed it. Teaching my tiny baboo bear how to take care of himself (fingers crossed)! We’d been swimming in the city pool all afternoon after a tennis morning, so I showered, put on clean clothes and headed out on my own. SO WEIRD to be on my own. I intended to put on a little mascara and lip tint to celebrate, but per my usual brainiac of dottiness, I forgot. I remembered sunscreen though!

It was the most odd feeling to pull into the parking garage downtown in our sweet hamlet town, park the car, and walk though the alley to the street, unmasked and on my own. Not good, not bad, just… odd. Few people here are masked anymore, although I suspect that will change once Delta or Delta-Plus variants hit. We had a day where our county hospital had zero COVID patients. A bunch of the hospital staff made a big celebration sign and had their picture bumping around all over the socials. Our state has had zero COVID death days and are reporting an infection rate of less than 1% along with at least 73% of eligible first jabs-in-arms administered.

As I walked on the mostly empty brick sidewalks towards the restaurant to meet my peoples, a different friend came to mind as I thought about how much her family likes to eat pad see ew, and how funny that would be if I ran into her at the Thai place where we were going to be eating. And just like that *poof* as we were seated, in popped my pad see ew friend! We had just spent the afternoon at the pool together with our babes, but it was even so many more emotions casually bumping into her at an in-town restaurant where I was dining inside – with other people!

I haven’t eaten inside a restaurant since February 2020 in New York City… Yes, just as the shit was hitting the fan there. Although many of us weren’t quite buying into what was happening just yet bc of authoritarian bullshitty fucked up crappy misogynistic gaslighting abusive asstwat murdering poopy-head jerk-face fascist fuck(s). In case you’re wondering how I really feel, I’ll do another post about this (ha).

I really had to hold back from bursting into tears, I was so happy to be without fear, eating in a restaurant, with friends, unexpectedly also seeing a very dear sweet friend (who was picking up pad see ew, I suspect), and just being me for one hawt damn minute.

But of course, I swung south after eating when I filled in my dinner companions on the state of things with MrexH. Maybe it’s a habit now. I just want to stop myself talking about it and bringing it into context of everything I do or everything that happens.. I want to have different conversations. But I know it’s important because everyone needs to work out their emotions in regards to that situation as it has had an impact on our little community, if in no other way than the effects it has had on SonHerisme. I want something else to talk about. Something positive and less horror-based.

Uh-oh. Now wondering if I want everything to change but I am too afraid to change myself (duh, duh, duhhhhh dramatic climax music cue). I do change my underdrawers everyday, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

I was remembering SonHerisme’s first grade year with his now Middle School maths teacher at the park this week. She has a daughter in SonHerisme’s class, MathsDaughter. MathsDaughter and SonHerisme have been friends since first grade. They still birthday party with each other invited and it is very squeezy delicious adorable. In first grade, SonHerisme, MathsDaughter and another first grade buddy came to me after school one day saying that I wasn’t to worry about anything because they were going to find the new stepfather for SonHerisme – they had a plan. I think I cried for days over this – it was so super teeth-hurting sweet. SonHerisme was convinced they were on it like a bluebonnet. MathsDaughter added that she knew all of the things to look out for so that we didn’t end up with a bad stepfather. Kids are beautiful, resilient, kind, hilarious, and wacky. Footnote to babies: that’s not at all how it works, but I love, love, love your big hearts and glorious soul-shines!

Then the baby bird happened. The baby starling (I believe) had fallen out of the tree where it had been waiting with the other two babies on the branch while the parent birds were relocating before a huge storm caught them. At first, I grabbed a large piece of tree bark, scooped the baby bird up from the grass as carefully as I could, and placed it at the base of the trunk of the tree for protection. I put more pieces of fallen bark around the bird to protect it from the storm. Worry settled in as I thought about an animal coming by to eat the baby bird, so I grabbed the bark piece and lifted the baby bird as high up into the tree as I could reach. I couldn’t reach the branch where the other two babies were waiting, so I placed the baby into a maple sapling nearby. Bird secured and safe from the storm and predators! Good job, me! Pat myself on the back! Until this morning’s tennis where I see that lightening or wind broke a branch from the maple sapling, and there was the little baby bird, dead on the ground. Sadnesses

*Sigh*

What’s next on the agenda? A series of regular everyday ups and downs, I suppose. I hope. I continue to struggle with hope for myself. When those moments are hitting, all of my inside bruises are triggered into physical pain. But I am writing down reminders of my bucket list which somehow helps spawn occasional refocus. Sometimes, of course, it just means crying at night. And there’s always SonHerisme. He is hope personified in a 6ft or so, almost-13, tennis playing, soccer playing, broccoli eating, sweet caramel-eyed, giggly package of fun! Currently iPad audiobook LOTRing it whilst building lego and has also discovered elibrary Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition on the iPad – newbie teen times, oiy. As things go, this seems rather harmless and to be expected. I don’t really know – it’s all a single-parent crapshoot. I’m fine, thanks.

I hope that you are having moments of joy in summering (or wintering if you are a Southern Hemisphere dweller)! I also hope that you and your loved ones are healthy and feeling safe. I’m not sure how long we have to be a bit carefree here, but for this moment, I’ll take what I can get!

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo

ps. SonHerisme’s final paper for one of his classes was about his desire to emigrate to England (which is new as it was Sweden for many years, and Japan and Portugal before that) – so watch out over there – he is handsome and hilarious and very extremely hungry ALL OF THE TIME.

side note: MotherHerisme commented how shiny my hair has been looking lately. Yes, it has the luster sheen of our little city’s urine-in-public-pool about it. And I’m so happy to be at a pool, with people, without COVID worry (SonHerisme, MotherHerisme and I are fully vaxxed), that I just will take that shiny compliment and fiercely embrace it, neverminding the urine-glow.

Also, I had veg pad thai at dinner out, and it was dreamyum