6 Months

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This post started on July 6th, then my week got full of the busy with visiting family plus regular activities. It was our first irl visit since Christmas 2019. It was lovely, overwhelming, a relief and frenetic. We went to the river, played tennis (I watched), went swimming, ate the food, watched the television, played games, braided hair, roasted marshmallows and talked about the things.

6 Months ago we were watching in real time as elected Republicans brazenly supported and encouraged a coup on our democracy. It looks like we’re over it though, since we were unable to get newly elected officials to do anything about it other than mildly address some of the brain-washed lackeys. Typical. Mob much? Fascist much?

6 Months ago we were solidly up in the 13% infection rate locally for COVID and having multiple COVID deaths in our hospital each week. We continue to show below 1% infection rate (.44% last week to .99% this week) and only 1 death in the past week.

6 Months ago I began drinking 8-16oz of celery juice every morning and I am happy to report that my joint pain is now mostly managed. Looking to begin diatomaceous earth in the next month.

6 Months ago I was terrified to leave SonHerisme at home while I went down to Georgetown because we had a dangerous sociopath leading our government. I recently unpacked SonHerisme’s emergency “zombie invasion” safety bag.

6 Months ago we were planning for an exciting day of snow-tubing and it was fun! Next time I’m going down too!

6 Months ago I was thinking about how I might feel on what would’ve been my 19th anniversary to MrexH and how much grief burden I continue to carry around about everything.

We were married on 7-6-02 in a church. I did not want to get married in a church, but my parents insisted it would be important to me later (it isn’t), so I did it. I wore an altered borrowed wedding dress because I did not want to try on wedding dresses, did not want to pay for a wedding dress, and did not want to wear a wedding dress. My parents insisted I would regret it if I didn’t wear a wedding dress, so I did it. A very specific pink was the color because MotherHerisme would not let it go that I did not have a wedding “theme” or “color scheme.” I replied, my theme is a wedding and the color scheme is whatever anyone wants to wear. But, again, I was told how horrible the pictures would look and how much I would regret not choosing a THEME or COLORS. I was able to stick with “wedding,” as the theme, but for the color, I closed my eyes and pointed to a random pink on a pink palate sheet. The wedding cake was insanely expensive and complete shit from a pretentious woman who did not even get the “pink” thing (she topped the cake with purple flowers, which while pretty, were absolutely WTF and stupid). The flowers were also pretty but expensive and not what interested me at all. They said I would regret not carrying flowers, so I did it. I had my hair and nails done – which felt lovely but for sure the hair was entirely unnecessary and not me at all. I don’t even own a blow dryer… much less 10,000 pounds of hair product. I was told I would regret it if I didn’t get all of the products and fancinesses, so I did it. I even spent about $150 on the bra JUST for that day – I never wore it again and donated it to Goodwill about a year after the wedding. I insisted on, and was able to convince my family to agree to an early morning wedding because of the July heat, and an early non-alcoholic luncheon because I did not want to deal with the cost or boozey reception issues. Basically, my wedding was a little knock-off Disney channel show of thin plastic. The wedding industry is brainwashed wacky-town as far as I could/can tell. I’ve never liked it and it sounds like I never will lol Or, perhaps I felt this way because I was moving through prescribed expected motions to get married because I thought this was my chance and I desperately wanted to have a family. That did not work out, as I expect it doesn’t for most of us plugged into being bullied, shamed, and targets for narcissistic abusers. perhaps

There were cute moments. Most of the people came from out of town for our wedding, so MotherHerisme prepared little booklets of schedules, local information, directions (pre-Waze, y’all), and hotel room snacks for everyone. This was very sweet and the best part of the wedding. Wait! The other best part was using my Grandmother’s stash of old stamps on the save-the-dates, invitations, and thank-yous. I loved that part. After the reception, we went to an outdoor orchestra concert down by the river. That was also my favorite part.

6 Months ago I could not predict where I would be now with everyone in the household vaccinated, participating maskless in outdoor activities and yet, still just myself being the me I know to be (be the Pan!).

It’s all I’ve got.

On the 17th at noon EST, I will be enjoying a special date with SonHerisme as we celebrate the midpoint of our July birthdays! Most likely barefoot in the park (not drunk, but with a certain level of silliness to be sure), Thai take-out with a cherry limeade slushie.

6 Months from now I suspect I’ll be marveling at how we made it to 2022 and loving all of the ‘2’s up because it is our very first prime number and I love that too.

I hope that you are a-okay. I am sending out protective bubbles of health, comfort and love to you and all of your loved ones. Keep safe out there, anonymous friends.

Love, Ms. Herisme xoxo

ps. Will I get married again? Trying to answer this would be the same as trying to answer: Will I ever have twenty seventy billion dollars? Unlikely, but you never really know what things are going to transpire or how manifesting manifests (which is why I don’t do it anymore – MrexH much?).

Actual regret – nope, not ready for this yet

It’s alright

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